unsent letters

I saw you again today. i'm seeing so much of you lately. This is the letter I would write to you if you could bear to read true things. And if you were a writer. In some other world some other Chris is writing this to you and it will make all things better. You are eloquent and you are writing back and all the injuries are healed.

i never know just how if feel when i see you. this welter of feelings, and never the same set twice. there were just not enough i'm sorries or i forgive yous. i never sat up and sat i blamed you.

i remember you, it was only a few years ago, when your eyes used to shine and you were gangly and goofy, a little silly. was it only two summers ago? and i beleived in so much i don't believe in now. and knew so much less. and now look at you. i used to call you little brother and now you've grown into a strong, handsome man. you have everything but the smile. do you remember when you used to look up to me, when you used to run to me, when you used to throw your arms around me? when your eyes would light up? and now this. you've grown so dignified and we've grown so distant, and i can't even say how proud i am of what you've become. i can't say much in the way of letting you know i understand that you're doing what you think you have to do, keeping hte stiff upper lip. i can't say i miss you the old way. i can't say that though we may never be friends again i love you still.