rain

I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst

-- Cat Stevens

When it rains it does pour. I think last week's emotional crisis and everything that surrounded it was to prepare me for this week when everything happened. In a week's time a beloved friend has died, my publishers have rejected me and the university has rejected me as well.

Sob.

Sharing all of this because it's not right to only put down the good and the easy stuff. If I'd write that a publisher wanted me, it's only fair to also report being rejected.

The lyrics above are from my new favorite song. And it's not new at all. I'm listening to the Sheryl Crow version. I didn't know Cat Stevens did it first.

The last two days have been fair and lovely. The sky an incredible blue. It got nippy though this afternoon and the clouds have pewtered. This morning went to the Chrism Mass at Saint James. Everyone belts out the hymns and is happy to be there. Growing up it seemed that when I was in church everyone was a spectator and everyone thought that God was somewhere else. Here it's as if everyone feels wealthy, blessed with the gift of God's love and a burning desire to put love and justice out into the world.

What I have been feeling lately is incredibly grateful. I keep on looking at the rejection letters and feeling a little miffed, but thinking, "I should be angrier than I am." Only these days I can't remain angry or afraid for very long.