The Weasel is Right

This began as a reply to Doc the Weasel's comment, but it just got so long I decided it should be a blog post. So, Doc, this post's for you.

No, you're right about what you said in your comment. Refer to Doc's comment in Ash Wednesday II ) But maybe even more than that what's true is I have no business looking into them at all. When I get vexed I begin to look into myself, and before I can forgive I have to acknowledge I'm angry. Before I can forgive truly I have to be ready for the fact that I'm vulnerable and I'm going to get angry again. People are like oceans and tides of feelings rush in and out of us. It's not good to resist them. Thank you, Doc, for what you said. I remember when I used to pretend to forgive-- not for anyone else's sake, but for my own sake, for my dignity's sake. Then I didn't have to admit that I had been hurt. Today, after the evening prayer I thought about everything that had gone through me this morning, how the home that had been mine once was no longer mine, my community a new one, and thinking about the past, everyone I was no longer connected to, it made me sad, not angry, just terribly sad. That sadness is a powerful feeling. In Mass this afternoon I felt grace, tremendous and almost awful grace and I don't know how else to describe it. There was no room for hurt feelings, clinging to insults from the past.