BEAUTY AGAIN

Now that I m writing Witch's Blood again, I am going back through the old post, ging to the very first post to see how I have grown, how have I changed? Is there a consistency to me or am I am I a wholly different person? I think back then I wrote intentionally conversationally, but also like a teacher a preacher, here to deliver a lesson of good news, end on a good point, declare that there was a good point and of course this made lots of sense. I was a Christian then, and the Faith is all about the good news. One is sort of bound to make good news of life.

That isn't a bad thing. Just as often I have been, almost fashionably, about despair, about the bleakness, about sarcasm, French ennui and existentialism, and this makes sense too, for I was taking apart the sections of my life and now assuming, but rather examining what existed, what was true and what was not.

Now, I need to talk to you. I really need to learn how to talk to you again and not merely write to myself. There was a time I did that, posting things I never expected to be read in places it would be strange to read them.Now is the time for us to all have something to truly say and ears that really listen. Now is the time to remember how to speak.

What does strike me when I read this old me, this younger more Christian me, is the beauty I saw in a life that, looking back, was difficult and often painful. And I think I saw this beauty truly. Maybe i made some of it up, but in making it up, it was so. This was in the days before I left the Church, and it all became too much, so much became too much, things I can never go back to. But when I was there I saw a beauty and maybe I can learn not from churches, but from that younger self, to see beauty again.