sunshiny things ii

Shortly before the appearance of her first book, when she ought to have been at the top of the world, and when everything was happening for her, Virginia Woolf's witticism failed her, her correspondances came to an end and she fell into a long madness.

This is rather how I feel. thoughts chase themselves around and around. You have started so late at this. Remember that boy, only twenty years old, working on a sequel, raking in the cash? You've started far too early, what do you expect? How at twenty-six, do you expect to have anything to say? Your problem, the reason you don't hang out anymore with anyone under forty is because you're a lot smarter than most people your age. Everyone my age is financially solvent and I can't get two pieces of bread on my own. You need to find proper work. You know in your heart the only thing you're fit for is going back to university. The tasks outside of academia that you're not willing to do, you're not qualified for, and that's the truth. What if the university screws me over? I will need to find another school? What other school? Will they have me... and so on and on and on.

When I get like this the only thing to do is get my messenger bag and a few books, take a long bus trip and go shopping. Get my mind off of me and onto my business, which is writing, which is storytelling.

The irony of it all is that no one lives in her head or is so fixated on his own troubles as a writer, and yet the only way to be good at what you do, is not to be fixated on yourself and your trials.