Janus

Things happen by accident, or at least, I suppose, the important ones. We stumble into them. People may remember last year when I was excited to start my own e-press and several people were going to be part of it. Well, we know the way that went, and I put away the idea of being an editor or a publisher in any sort of way.

And then, by accident, when I began to look for a new publisher for the Hidden Lives... I became part of Lulu, the most wonderful writing cooperative and a great alternative to artists who don't want to be ripped off... If you are willing to undergo a lot of work. And, by accident, I found myself with my own publishing house: Janus Books. It is a real thing now. Amazing. And it is mine.

you are my secret
my sweet beautiful secret
wrapped in darkness and
affection
i can't even pronounce the word
over you
the word of love
i turn you over in my thoughts
and send you to bed

Saturday

A friend of mine is scheduling a couple of trips overseas. I'm reminded of the song "Why oh why do the wrong people travel." When you go someplace, aren't you supposed to bring it back with you, to enter into the experience, to be affected even if you don't effect anyone you meet. But she just sort of goes to places for a few days because you're supposed to.

I can never explain immediately why I feel how I feel about a thing, or about the lives of the friends I came of age with. All of their lives are so different and yet, different from mine. It may be an American thing, but most of the people I know sort of drift from thing to thing, maybe--sometimes--the thing is even a pleasure. But there isn't much meaning. There isn't a lot going on. It's as if the old ideas of purpose, calling and meaning are... just that... old ideas.

Back

If I'm going to come back to Witch's Blood, then I better come back and have something to say. I had better observe something about the world. This summer I've heard a lot from friends who talk vaguely about doing something, about finding some sort of purpose. when I was little growing up in the Church we were taught about those who were saved and those who were lost. I still believe in loss and salvation, but it seems to me that salvation will not come from espousing a creed. It comes from exactly what Jesus was talking about: giving ones life away, giving the sort of security and control that comes from small mindedness and tunnel vision and beginning to live, to pick up on how we fit in. Salvation begins when we know the things we have to do and what doesn't need to be done, when we begin to move in a necessary direction. And of course, this direction is hard to find, for us now, in this age divided from our spirits and from earth the flow of things is difficult to fall into.

A Virgin Again

I don't know what to call this. I want to give this the title: "I'm back." But I gave that to my last article, and it wasn't true. There's been a lot going on, so Witch's Blood has been a pretty dead site. Most of my nonfiction writing has been dedicated to an essay collection, and that's done now. We took a brief rest, and after that rest it's time to come back to the WB.

There are so many things on my mind, and a few things to tell. The book (The Hidden Lives of Virgins) is being re-edited and republished by Lulu press. I was sitting with it one day and I said, "You want something from me? What do you want?"

Make me pretty. Finish me, it said. When it wasn't in print any kind of print was fine, but after it was printed I wanted a great deal for it that the first edition didn't have. I was editing the first part of a new book and looking for a publisher for it when I found a new publisher and something said, "Make Virgins beautiful and correct all of its errors before you move on." So, if you've gotten the old copy, oops. And if you haven't then please, please wait for the new edition.

What a ride this has been.