eleven at night

I've started reading again, reading novels I mean. I'm reading Zeitgeist, this amazing, thick and pretty much out of print weird ass book that came out a few years back. I'm getting Ben sort of turned onto it. It's the weird sort of out of the establishment writing that i admire and do. I want to make a sort of midwestern outpost for this type of different work.

I've been watching so much television and film. I think... this is what I want my work to be like. I want to recapture in words the scenes I see in cinema and televison. i want to write like a movie or like a poem...

or like a freakshow.

Witch's Blood

i'm growing used to you now
i dreamed fo what it would be like to have you
but this is beyond my dullest dreams
after the longing and the pursuit
learning to live with that i've caught
the first step is to chase and not to run
away
the second step in evolution
is the motion of the paw across the throat
the spurt of blood
adam crawls out of the mud
not an animal
and we are adam's children
we have to learn the next step
the next step is to live with what
we've caught
and i've caught love

I think learning to love someone is very boring. That's why we don't do it sometimes. The excitement is wonderful when it starts. The excitements gets you there. But the actual love can be so daily. You have to pull back and look at it, realize it is what it is: love.

lips like heaven
paul saw seven
but your place is the eighth
faith in your thighs
love in your mouth
charity
the rarity of the roundness
of your secret hills
will--to ride the night
like a jockey in a derby
the whole night is the derby
and your are the most magnificent
--no not a steed
need turns lies to words
riding you,
being ridden
is like the fire or the wind
like being born again

Witch's Blood

though the temptation is strong
don't close your eyes.
even though looking down is what
you know
and the small circle of vision is
the safest
remember when hawks fly in circles they
go wider and wider
why don't you open your eyes and look up
i am--of course
talking to me
you just happen
to be standing in the way.

About writing

If the words are true, be they poem or story or what, then in the end you become their servant, you serve them well. You, who thought they would live for you... You live for them. They live through you. They remake you. These are the words through which the worlds are made.

Witch's Blood

This is for Brian
whose thighs were full
and met at an ass rising
and dusky like the waxing moon
soft as prayers and cusses
firm as faith
the sight of it makes me
sure that heaven smells of
deepest earth
and its gateway in is all covered
in brown hairs

Coming Back

Good Lord, i'm trying to come back, little by little. Step by step. I never knew how much of an instrument the computer really is. I've been jockeying through two crappy ones and finally bought one. This is it. Late at night, before bed, my mouth tasting like coffee and cigarettes I get a little time to write something about the writing life. This is it, I suppose, just the acknowledgment that it is exists, that it is made up of little bits of struggle to get your words out no matter how seemingly meaningless they are, no matter how sporadic. Like right now, when I am just writing about writing and trying to connect to you all again.