The fact that I'm obsessing about not having my messages returned by someone who couldn't possibly have returned them by now shows just how much I'm trying to evade writing.

Note: don't sabotage this relationship. For such a long time i've been trying to be in a relationship and when I fianlly am in one, I am so used to relationships beign bad that I keep trying to to sabptage this. The combination of jealous obsessing and shirking work is not a good one. I'm tempted to say I should meditate, but really, I ought to be working. That's the best meditation. For everytime I've thought: why am I waiting for your call, obsessing about the messages you don't return? I have better things to do, I ought to realize this: I really do have better things to do. I'm just being lazy.