Well, these last few weeks have been a gift, but an exhausting one. Now that it's over I can't imagine how I got through driver's ed. It was one hell of an ordeal. Now it's over and now i'm glad. What's left is the part I wanted, the six hours of driving where they swing up to your house when you want them to in a nice car and then drop you off and you don't have to get up at the crack of dawn.

Today I felt like it was my last day of high school. That was the longest day out of all four years. I distinctly remember hating everyone and feeling that this was the hugest waste, that I couldn't wait to get away. The last two weeks have taken me back through that place I almost forgotten and helped me deal truthfully with so much that was in the past. There were many people I liked, many I didn't. Some experiences were great, many were boring. I was often happy. Other times I was cranky beyond belief.

Above all what makes me happy is getting to be an adult again. I always preferred adulthood to any other period of life. Some people in their twenties tend to look fondly back to the womb. I never will. The best thing about all of this is getting to be a grown up again. Because i look young enough I didn't look ridiculous in driver's ed. I looked fifteen years old. And even when people knew I wasn't... well, when you're fifteen you can't see much beyond a fifteen year old's world. In that class I was fifteen. I wasn't a writer. I wasnt' a graduate student with a degree in English Literature and religious studies. I wasn't a shaman or the poet in residence of Saint James Cathedral. I wasn't the founder of Foot in the Door Press. I wasn't even anyone's friend. Because everyone else's friends went to so and so high or so and so junior high. All of my friends live in an adult world. Very little that meant anything to me could have meant anything to these kids I sat with day after day after day. In the end I felt too old, like I didn't belong. I felt as if I were doing time. And the funny thing is: that's EXACTLY how I felt in high school.